Your Company Culture Isn’t Family: 3 Reasons That’s a Good Thing

“We’re like a family here.” 

Raise your hand if you’ve heard that before; maybe when you started a job, or you might have even said it yourself. It’s meant to signal a company culture that is warm, caring, and values connection. 

Most people who use the “work family” phrase are well-intentioned.

But let’s be real, families come with a whole lot of baggage. Some of it tender, some of it toxic.

When we use that metaphor, we’re inviting both the beauty and the dysfunction of family dynamics into our workplaces whether we mean to or not. And that makes using “work family” to describe company culture much more complex than we might imagine. Sure, for some the idea of a work family is a beautiful expression of care. 

But for others? It’s stifling. 

Not all families are healthy. So, why do we assume that the “family” label is always a good thing? What are we really buying into when we call our co-workers our “work family?”

In this post, we’re breaking it down and exploring 3 reasons why the work family metaphor can actually be harmful, and what we can build instead that centers real care and joy at work.

1. “Work Family” Blurs Boundaries

All healthy relationships have boundaries. Including the relationships we cultivate at work. Boundaries are an act of self care. They protect our well-being, allow for clarity, and preserve our relationships.

At work, when we enforce healthy boundaries with our co-workers we make space for professionalism and connection. One does not have to be sacrificed for the other. In a work family culture, though, the boundaries start to blur. You’re expected to give more, share more, and stretch more. So much so that when you do enforce boundaries it feels like a personal betrayal and rejection of the entire team, instead of a professional decision. 

Here are two ways that blurring tends to show up:

• Power Dynamics

  In families you’re either the child or a parent. This doesn’t map well onto company cultures because with either role, you lose. 

  • Employees treated as “children” tend to have less autonomy. They can feel trapped by a because-I-said-so culture. Creativity, feedback, and even healthy disagreement gets stifled.

  • Leaders treated as “parents” often end up dealing with emotional labor that they aren’t skilled to handle and never sign up for. They also lose out on having the peer relationships and trust that creates true collaboration. 

    
    

• The Pressure to Say Yes

  In a work family culture, you may find, not only an unspoken pressure to overshare but also to always say yes. Yes to attending every team happy hour. To take calls outside of work hours. And to treat co-workers like friends. It is possible to be friendly with co-workers without opening yourself up to phone calls outside of work hours, sharing every detail of your life or following everyone on Instagram. You can be caring without being constantly accessible.

What we need instead is care-driven connection.

We don’t need a work family. We need company cultures rooted in care-driven connection. And that can happen without taking on the troubling dynamic of familial relationships. 

One of the 10 characteristics of  a Joyful Workplace Culture is: care-driven connection. (These characteristics are also part of our signature workshop series.)

In joyful workplaces, care is practiced through intention. Teams make time to connect, celebrate, and support each other without confusing that proximity and crafted sense of belonging for being a family. This kind of care energizes teams, reduces burnout, and creates the kind of workplace where people actually want to stay. Not because they feel obligated, but because they feel valued. It allows for empathy, celebration, and community without sacrificing autonomy or boundaries.

“Boundaries don’t block connection, they make space for it.”

2. “Work Family” Metaphors Enable Toxic Company Culture

I’ve seen it too many times, in company cultures where folks are “like a family,” anything that challenges the status quo or is perceived as going against the best interest of the family, is seen as disloyal or disruptive. 

Speaking out against wrong-doings is seen as a betrayal. Calling out inappropriate and harmful behavior is perceived as a personal attack. In a work family, loyalty, a value that many companies want and praise, can become a trap. 

The need for harmony outweighs honest dialogue. Challenging ideas and giving feedback becomes “rocking the boat.” When we should be having more courageous conversations, they’re instead replaced with conflict avoidance. People are completely shunned for going against “the family.”

When that happens, these environments become ripe for toxic work culture to take root. The work family metaphor, doesn’t just fail to prevent toxicity, if not careful, it can quietly enable it. 

More examples of how work family company cultures can lead to toxic work culture:

• Lack of Accountability

  Bad behavior is dealt with in very different ways in families than they are in a work environment and for good reason. In families, people are often “accepted as they are” and that’s beautiful in a personal context. But in a workplace, that mindset does not work. 

“Bad” behavior such as underperformance, miscommunication, or even misconduct can go unaddressed for much longer than they should to avoid “hurting feelings” or “making things awkward.” 

Supervisors may hesitate to give honest feedback. Peers may avoid addressing tension. Harmful behavior is left unspoken, all in the name of “keeping the peace.” That silence? It chips away at trust, clarity, and the standards needed to sustain a healthy team. 

• Gaslighting & Guilt

  When toxicity is normalized in the name of "family," speaking up becomes emotionally loaded. Employees might be told they're being “too sensitive” or “not a team player” when they raise valid concerns. Over time, this leads to gaslighting: where people begin to question their own experience.

  
  

They start asking:“Am I overreacting?” “Maybe it’s not that bad.” “I don’t want to make waves.”

This erodes psychological safety: the belief that you can take risks, ask questions, or share concerns without fear of retaliation or shame. Psychological safety is essential because it’s what allows teams to innovate, problem-solve, and learn together. Without it, people stay quiet or they leave.

• Unreciprocated Loyalty

  In a work family, the expectation of loyalty often runs deep. But that loyalty is rarely reciprocated. Most businesses would still let employees go if it served their bottom line, no matter how warm their culture seems. 

In their day to day, many may not think about this reality and instead often over-function in the name of the team. They stay late, skip vacations, and say yes to additional (and often unpaid) work “for the team.” They slowly trade their boundaries for a sense of belonging. 

This self-sacrificial culture breeds burnout, resentment, and chips away at joy. If you’ve ever felt guilty for advocating for your needs, or afraid to challenge something that didn’t sit right, know this:

You’re not the problem. The metaphor is. And there’s another way.

“Companies are not families. Believing an organization should operate like a family creates a toxic work environment.”

3. Joy at Work Requires Something Different

We need a joyful workplace culture that values people over profits, and doesn't ask us to sacrifice our personal needs in exchange for belonging and connection. It’s about creating space for connection and clarity, celebration and accountability.

I want people to choose joy now, in their personal lives and yes, also at work. Here’s why:

• Real Relationships Thrive with Structure

  Yes, friendships and even romances blossom at work. But that doesn’t mean we should design our culture around being a family. 

Joyful workplace cultures are able to strike the fine balance between providing the institutional support needed to cultivate relationships outside of work tasks (ex. Holiday parties, retreats, personal milestone celebrations) while also maintaining professional boundaries. (This is exactly what we teach in our Joyful Workplace Workshop Series.)

• Facing the Truth

  We work too damn much to not have joy at work. We can’t afford to not care about “how” work feels. That’s true from a personal perspective (how your workplace makes you feel) and from a leadership perspective (how the culture you’re cultivating makes your employees feel). 

Most people I speak to feel the most joy when they are with family and friends. So it makes sense that people want to replicate some of that closeness at work. There is a way to center care and camaraderie in workplace culture without falling into language and expectations that end up stifling people. It starts by being intentional in naming what’s actually helpful that we want to make space for at work.

• Joyful Workplace Cultures Center Connection

So what does a joyful workplace culture that centers connection look like? It includes practices that make space for people to be whole, human, and well-supported:

• Collective care practices - Thoughtful gestures, shared practices, and moments of support that prioritize team well-being.

• Regular opportunities for connection - Time and space to gather as people, not just coworkers, such as retreats, celebrations, and check-ins.

• Clear communication - Expectations, decisions, and feedback are transparent, consistent, and kind.

• Respect for boundaries - Autonomy is honored. No guilt-tripping, pushing to overshare, or pressure to be “on” 24/7.

• Feedback-rich environments - People are empowered to give and receive feedback that’s constructive, respectful, and timely.

Want a deeper dive? Download the 10 Characteristics of a Joyful Workplace Culture for a fuller vision of what’s possible.

We don’t need to settle for culture-as-family. We can build something better. Something that feels honest, liberating, and alive.

We can create workplaces that are joyful on purpose. Not because we pretend to be a family, but because we treat each other with care and respect.

The question isn’t whether joy belongs at work. It’s whether we’re brave enough to build cultures that let it bloom.

Want to Bring This Conversation to Your Team?

This article was inspired by our Joyful Workplace Workshop Series, a 3-part experience designed to help teams build cultures that center care, connection, and clarity.

Whether you're a leader, supervisor, or someone who just wants more joy at work, we’d love to co-create with you.

Learn more about the workshops or Contact Us to book your own session.