The Real Reason You're Experiencing Burnout: Systems That Set You Up to Fail

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” – Lou Holtz

If you’ve ever felt like burnout was your fault, you’re not alone.

Most of us are taught to push through, hustle harder, or just take a bubble bath and call it self-care.

But what if burnout isn’t about you being broken?

What if it’s about the broken systems you’ve been trying to survive in?

Burnout is not a personal failure; it’s often a response to conditions that ignore your humanity and expect you to carry more than what is sustainable.

According to Forbes, 66% of Americans report feeling burnt out in 2025. And while many are encouraged to take better care of themselves, self-care without supportive systems is like pouring water into a bucket full of holes.

Let’s be clear about what we mean by "systems": These are the structures, habits, and support tools we rely on to navigate life and work. Think: calendar routines, communication rhythms, boundary-setting practices, childcare arrangements, and work delegation strategies. Systems can nourish your wellbeing, or deplete it.

Psychologist Herbert Freudenberger and his colleague Gail North outline five stages of burnout: The Honeymoon Phase, Onset of Stress, Chronic Stress, Burnout, and Habitual Burnout. Each stage reveals how misaligned or unsupported systems silently wear us down. In this blog, we’ll walk through the five stages of burnout and explore how the systems surrounding you can either contribute to depletion, or create space for joy, rest, and sustainability.

1. You’re Not Broken—But the System Might Be

When burnout hits, we often blame ourselves: "Am I being lazy? Why can’t I just manage everything better?" But blaming yourself won’t help you complete your to-do list or magically heal your exhaustion.

Burnout is defined as a syndrome caused by chronic stress that hasn’t been successfully managed. And while it’s often linked to the workplace, many of us also carry heavy personal loads: managing households, caregiving, emotional labor, and more. These personal systems, when unsupported or unsustainable, contribute just as much to burnout as what happens on the job.

When our systems are unclear, misaligned with our values, or too complex to maintain, the chance of burnout increases. Broken systems prioritize productivity over people, ignore human needs, and reward overextension. If you’re feeling depleted, it’s not because you’ve failed. It’s because you’ve been functioning in systems that haven’t nurtured your joy, rest, or capacity for well-being.

2. The 5 Stages of Burnout (And the Systems That Shape Them)

Stage 1: The Honeymoon Phase

Enthusiasm, energy, and motivation are at a high. You often see this in new jobs, roles, relationships, or projects. This phase feels energizing and full of momentum; but it can mask early warning signs of imbalance because everything feels so new and exciting. It’s easy to push boundaries, take on too much, or ignore early signs of stress. Overcommitment might show up at work or in your personal life. For example, taking on too many family obligations without a system of support to sustain that decision.

In his first book, Burnout: The High Cost of High Achievement, Freudenberger wrote: “In the beginning, the stress is barely noticeable, because the worker is still fueled by the initial excitement and idealism.” This matters because it helps us understand how early excitement can blind us to the risks of overextension. He called this the "compulsion to prove," where people feel they must demonstrate their worth by doing more and being more.

Root Causes:

• Lack of boundaries

• Pressure to prove oneself

• Unclear roles or values

System Shifts That Support Joy:

• Create realistic workflow systems

• Define your values and decision-making filters

• Set boundaries around your time and energy

One Habit to Start Today: 

Exercise your Joyful No. When someone asks for your time, pause. Check in with your energy before saying yes.

Stage 2: Onset of Stress

The first signs of imbalance quietly start to appear. You begin to feel occasional overwhelm, physical tension, or emotional strain. The presence of stress is starting to increase in your day-to-day life. You might experience anxiety, trouble sleeping, or impatience, brushing it off as “just being busy.” “People in this stage often begin to neglect their own needs...they become preoccupied with work or performance, even as their stress signals become harder to ignore.” - Freudenberger. This matters because it shows how stress can silently escalate if we don’t pause to reflect. When you notice stress creeping in, treat it as an invitation to pause and take inventory. Where is the stress coming from? What might need adjusting or additional care?

Root Causes:

• Overworking

• Lack of positive coping mechanisms

• Rigid schedules

System Shifts That Support Joy:

• Build grounding routines (stretching, walks, breathwork)

• Allow room for flexibility in your day

• Identify and track early stress signals

One Habit to Start Today: 

Ask yourself each morning: "What is my joyful intention today?"

Bonus Reflection: 

When stress creeps in, pause and ask: What’s causing this? What might need adjusting?

Stage 3: Chronic Stress

The pressure becomes persistent. You’re no longer having “bad days”; the stress feels ongoing. You might feel more irritable, detached, or ineffective, and maybe even working harder to meet expectations. Rest and joy feel increasingly out of reach, and your body may begin to show signs of distress. “The individual begins to experience a noticeable decline in energy...often accompanied by frustration, aggression, or dissatisfaction with life.” - Freudenberger. This quote helps us understand how chronic stress erodes our energy and satisfaction.

Root Causes:

• Lack of rest

• Overbooked schedules

• Systems that reward overwork

System Shifts That Support Joy:

• Incorporate intentional Joy Breaks

• Establish weekly rhythms that honor your limits

• Include space in your schedule to allow for transition and recovery

One Habit to Start Today: 

Take a 15-minute Joy Break, step away from your task and do something that lights you up. A Joy Break is an intentional break that you take during your day to do (or not do) something that brings you joy. Set a timer just in case you start to enjoy yourself a little too much!

Stage 4: Burnout

This is the collapse point where exhaustion is no longer something you can push through. You may feel emotionally numb, mentally foggy, and physically drained. A sense of hopelessness sets in. At this stage, basic tasks feel overwhelming. You might feel disconnected from your work, your relationships, and even yourself. “A state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by long-term involvement in emotionally demanding situations.” - Freudenberger. This quote reveals how burnout impacts every part of our being.

Root Causes:

• Systems that ignore your capacity

• Isolation or lack of support

• Internalized pressure to keep pushing

System Shifts That Support Joy:

• Release unrealistic expectations

• Embrace radical rest

• Rely on trusted networks of support

• Adopt joyful leadership practices

One Habit to Start Today: 

Pick one difficult task and ask a trusted person for help. Delegation is a form of care.

More on Joyful Leadership:

 One of the 10 characteristics of a Joyful Leader is rejecting self-sacrificing. Joyful leaders make intentional choices instead of defaulting to overextension. When we constantly overextend ourselves to meet everyone’s needs, we burn out. Boundaries, delegation, and honoring your limits are key to protecting your capacity. Explore all 10 characteristics here.

Stage 5: Habitual Burnout

Habitual Burnout is when burnout becomes a baseline way of living. The exhaustion, detachment, and disconnection have settled into your nervous system. You may feel trapped, numb, or chronically ill. There’s a sense of defeat or emptiness, as if burnout has replaced your sense of self. Healing requires more than rest; it calls for a total system reset. “At this point, individuals often experience a deep sense of inner emptiness, depression, and a withdrawal from relationships and responsibilities.” - Freudenberger. This helps us see how deep-rooted burnout can affect mental health and relationships.

Root Causes:

• Long-term depletion

• Disconnection from self

• Unchanged environments

System Shifts That Support Joy:

• A complete system overhaul: new routines, support networks, or even work changes

• Professional support or coaching

• Rebuilding around your joy-centered values

One Habit to Start Today: 

Write down one area of your life that needs attention. If joy were centered, what are 3 ways it could look different?

3. Self-Care Isn’t Enough Without Joy-Centered Systems

When we hit burnout, most of the advice we receive boils down to this: take better care of yourself. But self-care without a system to support it, can soothe the symptoms but it won’t address the root.

You deserve to thrive. While engaging in self-care can feel nourishing in the moment, it isn’t sustainable without a supportive structure beneath it. Your well-being requires systems that make space for your needs before burnout sets in. This includes aligning your actions with your values, establishing simple and effective routines, and honoring your boundaries consistently. Not just in crisis.

Burnout is a signal that the systems in your life and work may be misaligned. Self-care matters, but it can only truly support you when it’s part of a broader framework designed to protect your time, energy, and joy.

Ask yourself: What systems do I need to support my self-care?

Examples of Systems that honor your humanity might include:

• A Self-reflection ritual that helps ease early signs of stress

• Weekly check-ins that assess workload and capacity

• A boundary template for saying no with intention

As you design systems that support your joy and capacity, expect a little trial and error. Give yourself (and others) grace as you navigate periods of burnout and discover what works.

Final Thoughts: Let Joy Lead the Way

Burnout doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means the systems around you might need to shift. Burnout is a reflection of an unaligned, unsustainable system or lack thereof. What is the reflection of a system where Joy genuinely takes root?

Your well-being is a reflection of your values, your energy, and the systems that support you. When you choose to center joy, clarity, and care in your life and work, you begin to shift from survival to sustainability.

If this all feels like a lot, take a deep breath. You don’t have to rebuild your systems alone. We’re here to help you create rhythms that are joyful, sustainable, and aligned with your values.

The Joy Collaborative’s Clarity & Strategy Sessions help you explore the systems shaping your life and work. These sessions are offered in three tracks: Biz Built for Joy, Culture & Leadership, and The Joyful Reset. The Joyful Reset is the perfect space to pause, reset and realign after experiencing burnout. You can learn more about our Clarity & Strategy Sessions here.

You don’t need to do more to feel better, you need better systems that make joy possible. Start small. Start with what feels good. And let that guide your next step.

Let’s build systems where joy is not just possible—it’s the foundation.